A Christmas Carol (Tom Lehrer)

Christmas time is here by golly

Disapproval would be folly

Deck the halls with hunks of holly

Fill the cup and don’t say when

Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens

Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens

Even though the prospect sickens

Brother, here we go again

Relations, sparing no expense

‘ll send some useless old utensil

Or a matching pen and pencil

(“Just the thing I need! How nice!”)

It doesn’t matter how sincere it is,

nor how heartfelt the spirit

Sentiment will not endear it

What’s important is the price

On Christmas Day you can’t get sore

Your fellow man you must adore

There’s time to rob him all the more

The other three hundred and sixty-four

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings

Advertising wondrous things

God rest you merry merchants

May you make the Yuletide pay

Angels we have heard on high

Tell us to go out and buy!

So let the raucous sleigh bells jingle

Hail our dear old friend Kriss Kringle

Driving his reindeer across the sky

Don’t stand underneath when they fly by